It’s like watching your favorite TV character repeatedly make bad decisions, except it’s not as entertaining. Whether it's your best friend, sibling, or coworker, being the supportive person on the sidelines can feel tricky. You want to help, but you also don't want to end up in a shouting match. Or damage the relationship you have with them. So, how do you offer support without accidentally making things worse? Here’s the good news: you don’t have to have all the answers. Sometimes just being there for your loved one can make all the difference. And, while the situation may feel heavy, adding a little light-heartedness to your approach can help ease tension and open up communication.
Avoid Playing the “I Told You So” Card
Let’s face it, when you see a friend or loved one in an unhealthy relationship, it can be tempting to jump in. It’s easy to remind them of all the red flags you pointed out earlier. But as satisfying as it might feel to say “I told you so,” resist the urge. The truth is, they already know things aren’t going great. They don’t need a reminder; they need a supportive ear. Instead, start by asking them how they’re feeling. Encourage them to share what’s been going on and how they’re experiencing the relationship. Your role is to listen without judgment and offer validation. A simple “That sounds really tough” goes a long way in helping them feel heard.
You Don’t Have to Rescue Them
It’s natural to want to swoop in and save the day. But unless you're secretly a superhero, trying to “rescue” your loved one from their unhealthy relationship isn’t going to work. In fact, pushing too hard could make them defensive or more attached to their partner out of sheer stubbornness. Instead, focus on being a consistent source of support. Let them know that you’re there for them no matter what. You don’t have to offer grand solutions or try to fix the situation. Sometimes the best thing you can do is simply show up. Whether that means grabbing coffee, binge-watching Netflix, or just sitting together in silence.
Gently Point Out Patterns, But Leave the Soapbox at Home
If your loved one brings up specific incidents that concern you, it’s okay to gently ask questions. You could say something like, “I noticed you mentioned [incident] before—do you think this is becoming a pattern?” It’s important to help them reflect on their situation without sounding like you’re lecturing them or trying to convince them of something they’re not ready to see. Remember, even though you might have a front-row seat to their relationship drama, it’s still their life. Gently guiding them to recognize patterns for themselves is far more effective than shaking them by the shoulders and yelling, “Get out now!” (Although you may feel that way inside.)
Validate Their Feelings
There’s a good chance your loved one may not leave the relationship right away, even if it’s clearly unhealthy. And that can be frustrating to watch. But here’s the thing, decisions about relationships are deeply personal, and everyone moves at their own pace. What they need most from you is validation. It’s okay to say, “I understand why you feel conflicted,” or “I can see how much you care about this person.” Acknowledging their feelings, even when you disagree with their choices, helps them feel less isolated. It also makes it easier for them to come to you when they’re ready to talk about taking steps toward change.
Rome Wasn’t Built in a Day, and Neither Are Boundaries
Leaving an unhealthy relationship is a process that often takes time, patience, and courage. Your loved one may need to make mistakes, learn lessons, and build the strength to move on in their own time. As their friend, your role is to be patient, supportive, and available when they need you. Even if they don’t act on your “expert” advice right away, know that your presence in their life is making a difference. They may not be ready today, but having your support means a lot. When they are ready, they’ll know they have someone in their corner.
Support with Pleasantville Wellness Group
Navigating a loved one’s unhealthy relationship is tough. But by offering nonjudgmental support, and being patient goes a long way. By gently guiding them without forcing your opinions, you can help them feel empowered to make the best decisions for their life. If your loved one is ready for more help, or if you’re looking for additional support yourself, Pleasantville Wellness Group is here to help. Our team of licensed clinicians offers compassionate care for individuals and couples dealing with relationship challenges, emotional struggles, and personal growth. Did you know that we have a limited amount of sessions available that are in network with multiple insurance panels? All you have to do is call us to find out more! Contact us today to learn how we can support you and your loved ones in finding peace of mind!
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